


Choosing Perspectives

by st_mick



Series: Niffler [57]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Torchwood
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Ianto's debriefing, M/M, Post-Episode: s01e06 Countrycide, Processing, perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21602383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st_mick/pseuds/st_mick
Summary: It's now Ianto's turn to be debriefed, and Jack helps him to process some of what happened on the mission to the Brecon Beacons.  The team chooses to decompress together, decamping to Ianto's flat.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Series: Niffler [57]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1276304
Comments: 19
Kudos: 62





	Choosing Perspectives

“I brewed you a cup of tea,” Jack said, handing it to Ianto and pulling a chair close.

“Thank you,” Ianto grasped the mug in both hands to try to mask the shaking, but Jack saw the tremors. Ianto began speaking, his voice low but firm. He took Jack through the entire day from the time they left the hub until the time they returned.

When he spoke of the burger stand, he gave a shudder. Jack had already had the same thought, so he interrupted Ianto long enough to tell him that the food truck was legitimate, and had nothing to do with anyone from Brynblaidd. On Jack’s order, Heddlu had even tested the meat, just to be certain. Much to everyone’s relief, it was all cow.

Ianto breathed a sigh of relief and continued to speak. He talked about setting up camp, and as he glossed over their short conversation before the first body was found, his look told Jack that perhaps he was finally ready to discuss what had been troubling him, these past few weeks.

He quickly got to the part that most interested Jack – the timeframe after the team split up. Having heard Toshiko’s account, he wanted to hear what Ianto had to say about it. As expected, Ianto was generous with his praise of Toshiko and particularly hard on himself for his reaction in the cellar.

He was almost clinically detached as he described the groping he’d endured, and the blows he’d taken, from the first in the cellar to the many in the abattoir. He described having his throat cut, being hung upside down, swaddled in plastic, and left to bleed to death as though it had happened to someone else. Jack understood Owen’s concern for Ianto’s mental wellbeing, but he was beginning to see things from a different perspective.

Somewhere along the way, Ianto had learned how to compartmentalize his trauma so he could continue to function without being overwhelmed. Based on his observations in the last six months, Jack was confident that Ianto did eventually deal with the traumas, but in his own time, and in his own way.

“I lost track of what was happening for a while, but then you lot were unwrapping me, and… I guess that’s it.” He looked at Jack, and then at his tea. He drank some more and tried to think if he had any ginger root at home. Jack’s tea was helping, but he’d never be able to eat anything, if he couldn’t settle his roiling gut. “Tosh and I went to find the SUV, EMS looked me over, I gave my statement, and we came back here.”

“Ianto,” Jack sighed. “Let’s start with the cellar. You need to stop being so hard on yourself. You’re not a field agent. You’d received a blow to the head, you were disorientated, you were trapped, you smelled blood, and there were body parts. You know as well as I do that coming across body parts is not a common occurrence. It’s okay that it knocked you off-balance. Frankly, I’d be more worried if it hadn’t.”

Ianto couldn’t point out that as an Auror he was, in fact, the equivalent of a field agent. He sighed. “I panicked, Jack. And I acted like an idiot. Tosh probably thinks I’m a coward.”

“I assure you, she thinks pretty much the exact opposite. She was actually impressed by you – yes, even in the cellar – because you recognized the signs and were able to short-circuit the flashback. Ianto, that is actually pretty remarkable and shows a great deal of self-awareness and self-control.”

Ianto was frowning. His head was aching quite badly. “So you think that I was a prat because I was off-balance…”

“Not a prat, but yes, I’d bet that you reacted the way you did because of that. And then you took yourself in hand. You recognized that Tosh said too much. That shows she was off-balance, as well, and she’s been trained to be in the field.”

“I didn’t say she said too much,” Ianto said, a bit too hastily. He winced.

“Hey, no one will benefit from this, if we hold back on the details we could learn from.” Jack waited until Ianto met his eye before continuing. “You did really well, Ianto. You gave Tosh an opening to escape, and you stalled them as long as you could. And then you took the heat for it.” Jack sighed. “You’re focusing on the fact that they caught her again, but what you need to realize is that if you hadn’t gotten her out of there, then you’d both be dead, along with Gwen and Owen. You said you were trying to buy me time, and that’s exactly what you did. At great personal cost.”

A tear fell, then another. Ianto swiped at his face and finished his tea. “Then why do I feel like I failed them, Jack?”

Jack sighed again. “It’s a torturer’s mindfuck. Letting you watch your friends watch you get tortured. From your perspective, they’ll never see you more vulnerable. You feel ashamed and that somehow you failed them, because they had to see that.”

Ianto looked at Jack, startled at his insight.

Jack gave a small smile. “What’s ironic is, they walked away with the exact opposite perspective. They saw you taking a beating for them. Now they love and trust you and will do anything to protect you, because they know you did that, for them. They see you as brave and selfless and defiant, and a bit of a badass.”

“And which is the truth, then?” Ianto asked.

Jack grinned. He could tell Ianto was hurting, fuzzy from multiple head injuries, tired, and hungry. But still that mind kept thinking… “You were the one being mindfucked, Ianto. Can you see how your perspective was manipulated, to hurt you even more?”

“Okay. But that doesn’t necessarily make their perspective true,” Ianto pointed out.

“Let’s break it down, then. Were you brave?”

“I did what I had to, trying to protect Toshiko,” Ianto shrugged.

“So that’s a yes.” Jack smiled at Ianto’s huff. “Same for selfless. Were you defiant?”

“I was bloody _tamping_.”

“So another yes. And I’ll answer the last. Anyone who continues cursing their captors, through a gag, while still taking a beating… That, my friend, is a badass.” Then he chuckled. “And once you were freed, rather than run screaming from the room, you promised them all payback.” He grinned. “Nice touch, with the vegetarian diet, by the way.”

“Wasn’t kidding,” Ianto promised.

Jack laughed, then sat back and shook his head, his expression rueful. “You were right, you know. I couldn’t make them accept you. But you have. You’re a part of this team, now. You made certain of it when you kept your head up and made eye contact with each of them while you were strung up. You let them see your defiance, that despite the beating you’d already taken, you hadn’t given up. It told them not to. You helped them hang on.”

Ianto sniffed. “I’m thirsty,” he said, his voice slightly plaintive.

Jack recognized the fatigue and deflection in the lament, and handed him a water bottle. “You even head-butted the guy, as he was about to cut your throat.”

“He _licked_ me, Jack,” Ianto muttered. “Tosh said it was to rattle me…” he shuddered. “I suppose he succeeded.”

“In what way?” Jack asked, hoping he could walk Ianto through this.

Ianto frowned. He drank more of his water, thinking. “It wasn’t sexual, I don’t suppose, but it was… a violation of sorts…” he frowned again, then closed his eyes and tried to locate a spot on his forehead that it wouldn’t hurt to rub. “I had accepted that I would be bled and killed and dismembered and eaten, but I’d tucked away the part about being eaten. I figured I’d be dead, so no use worrying about that. But then he decided to have a taste, and I couldn’t keep it separate, anymore.”

He finished his water, and Jack handed him another. He absently unscrewed the cap. “I’d already decided that if any part of my anatomy ended up as someone’s trophy that I was going to be haunting _someone_.”

Jack saw Ianto’s serious expression and wondered if that had been some strange sort of coping mechanism, or if Ianto believed it, in a literal sense.

Ianto gave him a beady look. “Literally. Haunting.” He gave a small smile when Jack laughed. “See, I thought I’d already dealt with all the things that were bothering me about what was about to happen.”

“And then he licked you.”

“And then he licked me,” Ianto huffed. “But mostly it was that he had really atrocious breath.”

Jack laughed again. He watched Ianto for a moment, curious. “So the others are struggling with the fact that this was a human threat, not alien.”

Ianto looked up at Jack, his expression surprised. “I don’t understand.”

“They’re having a hard time seeing something this… evil… being committed by humans.”

Ianto frowned. “Why? Evil is a man-made commodity. It just so happens that usually we run across the alien-made variety.”

Jack blinked, surprised. That sounded almost cynical.

Ianto huffed. “Twentieth century history alone tells us that human beings are capable of courage, honor, and goodness, but also cowardice, cruelty, and evil. We’re not one or the other, any of us. It would be naïve to assume such a thing.” He looked startled. “Not that I think any of the team are naïve,” he quickly added.

Jack chuckled. “I know you didn’t mean it that way,” he assured. He actually felt much better, that Ianto seemed to have such a well-balanced understanding. It would be another thing to worry about, with regard to the younger man’s well-being, if this had shaken his view of humanity. But Jack did wonder what Ianto had experienced, to know and accept that humanity was capable of such evil.

“So do you see yourself as cynical, or a pessimist?” Jack asked, curious.

“Until a year ago, I considered myself and optimistic realist,” Ianto answered. “I like to think I see the world clearly, but I think there’s a lot of good to be seen, a lot of good to be done.”

“And in the last year?” Jack asked gently.

“I don’t know anymore, Jack.” Ianto sniffed. “I guess I still see the world, and the good, and I want to help do good, but…” He sniffed again, and swiped a tear away. “I just… it’s difficult to _feel_ it.”

“Since Imbolc, has that been better?”

Ianto nodded. “It has. The numbness is fading.” He sighed. “It’s just slow going, is all. And it gets me down, sometimes.”

“Try to be patient. What you’re feeling is normal, after what you’ve been through.”

“What I’m not feeling, I think you mean,” Ianto grumbled. 

Jack huffed out an unhappy laugh. “Fair enough.” He reached out and took Ianto’s hand. “My point is, you’re going to be all right. There’s nothing wrong with you. Plenty of combat vets experience the same thing.” He tightened his grip on Ianto’s hand when the younger man started shaking his head. “Ianto, it was a battle. And you fought. And survived. You just need to be patient as you heal.”

“So would you consider this a setback?” Ianto gave voice to his fear. Aside from the pain of avoiding Jack, he _had_ been feeling better.

“Do you feel set back?” Surprisingly, Jack didn’t see the signs of trauma in Ianto that he’d seen in Toshiko, Gwen, and even Owen, to a degree. He was reminded of how Ianto had taken being attacked on the beach in his stride. Once again, Jack wondered about Ianto’s past, that he was inured to such violence.

Ianto considered. “I’ve been beaten, bled, terrified, and – according to you – mindfucked. I have a host of new images to feed my nightmares, and may have just been involuntarily converted to vegetarianism, assuming I do decide to eat, ever again.”

A smile quirked at the corner of Jack’s mouth. Ianto was snarking. He’d be all right. “And?”

Ianto returned his smile. “I’ll live.”

Jack closed his other hand over Ianto’s. Holding the younger man’s hand between both of his own, he looked earnestly into the tired, battered face of his archivist. “You thought you wouldn’t.”

Ianto shrugged. He was uncertain as to what Jack was asking of him.

Jack took a deep breath. “Should I be concerned that you’d just accepted that?”

“I hadn’t given up, just yet,” Ianto smirked.

“And yet you’d accepted it would likely happen.”

“I’m not sure what you’re asking, Jack.”

Jack sighed. “Did you want them to succeed?” He turned Ianto’s hand over and ran his fingers over the palm. “It worries me that you know you would have broken no promises, if they had.” He found he didn’t want to ask the question, outright.

Jack’s concern surprised Ianto. Their friendship had become _so_ important to him; it hadn’t occurred to him that it might be important to Jack, as well. He gave that shy smile that Jack had come to be so fond of. “But I didn’t give up.”

“I don’t know that you have it in you to just give up. But I think the reason you’re not freaking out right now is because you accepted that you were going to die, and you were okay with that.”

Ianto nodded. “I was pretty sure I would. And yes, I had accepted that.” He squeezed Jack’s hand. “ _And_ I kept fighting, and didn’t give up.” He smirked. “Don’t expect me to apologize for inadvertently avoiding a post-mission freak-out.”

Jack chuckled. He wanted nothing more than to take the stubborn Welshman into his arms and kiss him senseless, but an embrace would likely tax Ianto’s sore body more than comfort him. And even though Jack could be a selfish bastard, he could wait a while longer for the comfort that he would derive from holding Ianto. That kiss in the shower had been so full of passion and promise that Jack was almost giddy with the possibilities before them.

Yes, he could be patient.

For now.

He and Ianto sat quietly with their own thoughts for a few minutes, and Jack saw and felt Ianto’s hands continue to tremble. He watched the younger man for a few moments before realization dawned. “There’s something else, isn’t there?” he asked.

Ianto shook his head slowly. Not a denial, but rather a reluctance to speak. He wasn’t freaking out, but Jack could see that there was something that would eat at Ianto, if he did not exorcise it.

“Hey,” Jack squeezed Ianto’s hand. “You don’t have to tell me, but I think you’d feel better, if you did.”

Ianto sniffed. “I couldn’t move,” he whispered.

Jack had to lean forward. “In the plastic?”

Ianto nodded. “I… I have this th-thing, about being bound. I-Immobilized.” He sucked in a breath, then groaned at the pain it caused.

“Hey,” Jack pulled his chair closer and gently drew Ianto into his arms. “It’s all right. You’re safe, now.” He felt Ianto trembling, allowing himself to feel the terror that he had kept at bay, during the ordeal.

Ianto held onto Jack, burying his face in the older man’s neck and breathing him in. Jack’s scent calmed him enough that he could ride out the panic. Within a few moments, his breathing was steadier and he leaned back. Wiping the tears from his face, he gave Jack a sheepish smile. “Thanks.”

“Hey, I pushed,” Jack returned the smile. “You all right?”

Ianto nodded. Then he looked at Jack. “You said something about a favor?”

Jack smiled again. Now that Ianto’s debriefing was done, they were all free to stand down. “I was wondering if we could all crash at your place. I don’t think any of us should be on our own right now, and your flat would be more comfortable than the hub.

Ianto nodded. “That would probably be a good idea. Glad I put fresh linens on the bed before I left.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tosh and Gwen can take the bed.”

“Ianto, you need to rest.”

“I will. But with this headache, I won’t be able to lie down, anyway. Chair and ottoman were going to be my place to sleep, no matter who came home with me.”

“They’re going to argue.”

“I’m sure you’ll protect me, Sir,” Ianto deadpanned with a fond smile on his lips.

***

The team practically fell into Ianto’s flat, all dead tired but still high on the adrenaline rush the trip to the country had left them with. Ianto gave them the tour of the place by pointing to the bathroom, sofa, and kitchen before heading to the latter, Jack and Owen following.

Ianto sent a silent thank you to Luna and Draco for the case of potion-infused water on the bench in the kitchen, as well as the canister of loose tea marked in Draco’s scrawl, “Neville Short-Pants’ Calming Happytime Blend” and a gallon jug of ginger root tea in the refrigerator.

“All of your water has been opened,” Owen frowned at the case of water.

“Liquid vitamins,” Ianto was pleased that his aching head was able to come up with a viable excuse. “Easier to just dose them all, at the same time. There are unopened bottles in the refrigerator."

Ianto handed Owen a takeout menu and enlisted Jack’s help in preparing tea for everyone. “Owen, why do my hands feel strange?” he asked, shaking them as he pointed to a pan in the cabinet for Jack to use to heat the ginger tea.

Owen came over and took Ianto’s hand. “They feel a bit numb? Like they fell asleep, but not quite that severe?” At Ianto’s nod, he gently pressed one of Ianto’s nails, watching the nailbed go white and then gauging how quickly it regained its pinkish tone after he released the pressure. “Do they still ache?”

Ianto shook his head, then pointed to an overhead cabinet for Jack to retrieve a teapot. “They did for a while, but they’ve just been sort of stiff and numb since I showered.”

“Probably still just adjusting, then. Let me know if it doesn’t improve, and we’ll check your spinal alignment.”

Ianto nodded. Draco had already fixed that, but he’d keep an eye on it.

Jack had set a beautiful blown glass teapot on the bench, but he was afraid to even look at it.

Ianto chuckled. “It’s not as delicate as it looks,” he said.

“Like its owner,” Owen deadpanned. He left the room with the menu to see what Tosh and Gwen might want to order.

“It does look very fragile,” Jack commented.

“Please say you’re only talking about the teapot,” Ianto grumbled, and Jack laughed.

“You’re one of the strongest men I’ve ever met,” Jack said, suddenly more serious than Ianto would have preferred. “I’m only talking about the teapot. Tell me what to do.”

Ianto directed him to put several spoonsful of the tea blend into the infusion basket that sat in the teapot. Once the ginger tea came to a boil, Jack poured it into the teapot. “So we’re making tea, with tea?”

“It’s a ginger root tea, which just means water in which vast quantities of ginger were steeped. The ginger water will enhance the tea blend.”

While the tea was steeping, Jack retrieved mugs from another cabinet and Ianto spooned honey into each.

“Let me do that,” Jack said, taking the spoon from Ianto.

“Careful,” Ianto reached out and caught a drip of honey on the pad of his index finger.

Jack dropped the spoon into the last mug and smiled. “Let me get that, for you.” He took Ianto’s hand and drew the sweetened digit into his mouth.

Ianto stood transfixed by the onslaught of sensation. The warmth of Jack’s hand holding his, the sultry heat of his mouth, the scorching desire blazing in his eyes. He sucked in a breath as he felt Jack’s tongue sweep over his finger.

Jack’s eyes never left his, and it was sexy and erotic and sent a delicious shiver down Ianto’s spine. Something in his brain exploded, but still no joy, down below. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to laugh at the pleasure of the contact or cry at his body’s stubborn unresponsiveness.

And it was patently unfair that the middle ground left him just a bit dizzy.

In the next moment Jack had released his finger (and his hand) with a maddening chuckle and returned to the tea as Owen returned with the menu. Ianto put it away, his hands shaking as though he’d had another spike of adrenaline.

“How long will this need to steep?” Jack asked, and Ianto was pleased to hear the older man’s voice was not quite steady.

Ianto reached for the canister and read more of Draco’s scrawl. “Ten minutes,” he answered.

“You all right, Tea Boy? You look a little… off.”

“How can you tell?” Ianto snarked. Then he sighed. “Sorry. Sorry.”

“Go keep the girls company. We’ll bring this in,” Owen said, patting Ianto on the forearm and giving a half-smile that was the closest Ianto had ever seen him to being friendly.

***

**Author's Note:**

> Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!
> 
> I enjoyed this part of the story, mostly because I liked seeing Jack help Ianto process what happened and offer a new perspective. And in turn, Jack got to see a bit of how Ianto's mind works, and some of the younger man's vulnerability.
> 
> Back to "Heart and Soul" tomorrow, though there's more coming in the Niffler 'verse, as well.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
